ranting

What the what?!

There are moments in life that prompt this question. Consider it the G-rated cousin to the more popular phrase: “What the f&@#”?!

What the what?! popped into my head a several times over this past week. Let me explain.

1.On the weekend I was standing in line at the grocery store. Sundays afternoons are a busy time at the grocery store, and nearly every Sunday I ask myself why I choose to come at this time. The place is crowded, lines are long, and people are just…weird. More than normal. I was two people back in an obnoxiously long line at the check-out when I witnessed the guy who was about to pay for his groceries say to the cashier “Hold on, I just have to run to the bathroom.” Umm…what the what?! Dude, do you really think that this is the most opportune time to go and relieve yourself?! Apparently so. Three minutes later, he returned and paid for his groceries and left, whistling on his way out.

2.I share laundry facilities with the people that live in the basement suite below me. Sharing laundry facilities with strangers is not recommended. I’ve been trying to determine why these people are always using the washer and dryer (seriously, at least 6 out of 7 days per week). Either they’re hiding a family of 8 down there or they each own approximately one pair of socks and underwear, one shirt, and one pair of pants. Those are the only explanations I can think of for why 2 twenty-somethings would need to be doing laundry so often. As a result, I find myself doing laundry marathons on the rare occasions that I find the washer and dryer free. Good times. But not really.

3.Children are strange creatures. I took my little sister swimming recently to the local YMCA. I was floating on a floaty-raft-thing, minding my own business, when a wee little 7-ish year old boy backed into me (read: his fault). He turned around, scowled (viciously) at me, shook my floaty-raft-thing violently for about 5 seconds, then shoved it as hard as he could before turning around and carrying on. What the what?!

4.It is still snowing here. Apparently Mother Nature isn’t aware that it’s SUPPOSED TO BE SPRING TIME. Pay attention for crying out loud.

5.Yesterday, the girl next to me in my yoga class farted during Warrior 2. She acted like nothing happened. This has always puzzled me, because if I ever farted in yoga class I’d t0tally start laughing. Maybe even sum up the courage to say excuse me. I realize that it would be totally embarrassing, but just ignoring it when everyone knows exactly where that sound came from just seems worse. In fact, I almost started laughing. I’m incredibly mature.

6.I saw this recipe for lentil oat cookies a few weeks ago on the Food Network. And I thought “Lentils in cookies?! What the what?!” But let me tell you, it totally works. These taste like an oatmeal cookie with an extra oomph of health. Very hearty and satisfying. And a great way to use up leftover lentils!

Lentil and Oat Cookies (adapted from Bal Arneson, Spice Goddess)

1 cup butter, softened

1 cup brown sugar, packed

1 cup lentils, cooked and crushed with a fork

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup large flake oats

1 cup pumpkin seeds

1/2 cup slivered almonds

1/2 cup coconut

1/2 cup raisins

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 375°F. Prepare your cookie sheets by lining them with parchment paper, a Silpat, or spraying with non-stick spray.

In a large bowl, cream the lentils, butter, and brown sugar together and then add the egg and mix well. Add the flour, baking soda, and vanilla. Stir in the oats, almonds, pumpkin seeds, coconut, raisins, and chocolate chips and mix well. Feel free to choose mix-ins that suit your tastes (ie. different nuts, dried cranberries, etc.).

Drop cookies by the spoonful onto the prepared baking sheet and flatten. Bake the cookies for 13 to 15 minutes, or until lightly browned, and allow to cool on a baking rack. This recipe makes a large amount of cookies, but leftovers do freeze well!